My Story

The Next Step

The Next Step

Rebekah Kohlhepp

I suppose that this was bound to happen sometime. From the moment I started this blog, it has gotten harder and harder for me to keep my big secret a secret. I feel as though I’ve spoiled myself by being open about my atheism with my roommates and through writing.

When I’m home or with my family, there’s no question that it’s nowhere near the time for me to come out with them. I still rely on them, and those relationships are too vital for me to possibly ruin them. When I’m at college, it’s a different story. I’ve always been unfathomably frustrated at having a secret this huge that I can’t tell to anyone, but as time goes on, it becomes more and more difficult to keep private, for a variety of reasons. Read more →

Coming Out Atheist to My Christian College Roommates

Coming Out Atheist to My Christian College Roommates

Rebekah Kohlhepp

I may have only started using the term “closet atheist” recently, but I have been a non-Christian living a Christian life for about ten years. During most of my deconversion time, I told myself that never ever in a million years would I ever tell anyone that I wasn’t a Christian. If I had stayed the apathetic nonbeliever that I was in my teens, not really caring one way or another, it might not have been that hard, but the more it becomes an integral part of who you are and how you think, the harder it is to keep private.

I mentioned in my first post that my boyfriend is also an atheist. Until recently, he was the only person that I had ever told. We have been together for a little over three and a half years, and I think that I told him about a year into our relationship. It took a lot of trust because I didn’t know what his beliefs were, but the bubble that I was raised in caused me to almost assume that everyone I came across was a Christian unless they told me otherwise. Back then, I wasn’t using the word “atheist” yet, and I wasn’t too comfortable thinking or talking about it, so when I “came out” to him over the phone, it went a little like this: Read more →

Journey to Atheism: Part 2

Journey to Atheism: Part 2

Rebekah Kohlhepp

I was planning to attend Grove City College* since I was young. My mother knew it would be perfect for me with the Christian atmosphere, rigorous academics, and the location. I knew that there was a heavy Christian foundation here, but I figured that it wouldn’t be too bad and the good would outweigh the negatives. If I could choose schools again, I don’t know if I still would have come here, although the atmosphere and the coursework have grown my interest in atheism and influenced this self-discovery immensely.

My college has a series of six Christian-worldview-based core humanities classes and one Science and Faith course. As it turns out, these classes have become some of my favorites because they can infuriate me, make me consider what Christians believe and what I believe, and show me the good and bad of both sides. Read more →

Journey to Atheism: Part 1

Journey to Atheism: Part 1

Rebekah Kohlhepp

When I was a child, I believed in Jesus. I couldn’t wrap my head around how he worked or what he could do, but my mom told me he loved me, so I thought, cool, I love him too. Once she told me that when I got older I would see much greater things that God could do than what I could even imagine. Obviously, I’m not as impressed as she thought I would be, but I do know a lot more about God now than I did then. Read more →

I Am an Atheist

I Am an Atheist

Rebekah Kohlhepp

I am an atheist.

Up until a matter of weeks ago, I was unable to string those four words together in that order. There was no doubt that I was an atheist, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. It sounded fake. All day long I live, act, and speak as a Christian, hearing about the evils of atheism. I’m so dishonest with everyone I come in contact with, save for my loving atheist boyfriend, that when I’m alone I can barely be honest with myself. “What are you?” he would ask me when everyone was out of earshot. Read more →